WHAT TO WEAR TO AN IRISH FESTIVAL WHEN YOU’RE NOT A BASIC BITCH

What to wear to an Irish festival – the perennial season-dependant existential question we all ponder when normal style rules seem to go out the window and middle-aged women dress as glitter-ball unicorns/mermaids/Love Island contestants. It doesn’t have to be such a predicament. Read on…..

WARNING: This post does not contain the following:

a) ripped denim cut-offs Sumo wrestler nappies even though these ones from & Other Stories are actually pretty cool)

b) Lana del Rey-inspired floral crowns/Pocahontas-inspired feather headdresses (minority cultures are not a novelty, yo)

c) cropped/tassled Ramones t-shirts on people way too young to know who they are

WHAT TO WEAR TO AN IRISH FESTIVAL – IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO BE STYLISH?

Don’t get me wrong, I have totally indulged in the floral crown, cropped to the limit Levis and Hunter wellies look but I’ve already ‘fessed up to being a total basic bitch. I love saying things like ‘draaankkks, unforch, totes emosh, omg I’m screaming and litch bbz.’ That’s OK. But the problem with the basic festival uniform is this. Here’s what to wear to an Irish festival if you’re slightly concerned about being cute but also too old to don something awfully restrictive/reductive/ridiculous.

1. Your crown will wilt and nobody wants to feel like they are less than Beyonce, am I right? Bitches do not bow down to dripping, soggy, limp, plastic blooms. A beanie hat is actually practical, won’t block everyone’s view like the basic blogger fedora and if you wear a veil, you’re totally cool, OK? Mine is from Dunnes.
2. You’re going to have to go to the toilet. A LOT. Too many Heinys/cups of wine/stashed hip-flask vodka. Forget the denim knickers. I’m all for wearing skirts because a) quicker to go and b) you don’t have to have wet pants stuck to you all day. This patent one is ideal because the rain just slides off (and oh, will it rain.)
3. You will be freezing and that glitter unicorn rainbow playsuit with leather jacket is not going to cut it. A Levis Sherpa jacket is perfect if you’re a pogonophile like me. It’s actually warm and it almost indefinitely atrracts Lumberjack-looking hipsters. Winner, winner! Don’t forget to stash a pac-a-mac in your bag – sorted!

IRISH FESTIVAL FASHION – GOLDY LOOKING CHAIN

I’m not going to lie. I love my goldy hoops. I have many kinds, many sizes and many variations. Personally, I feel like a badass wearing serrated hoops although around small children they can be weapons of mass destructions. Try to avoid babies in the developmental stage of learning how to grasp and you’ll be grand. What to wear to an Irish festival contains many a dilemma and it is vital to consort around the over 3s. Take heed – your ears will thank you.

Yes, I do own a pair of pink mid-calf Hunter wellies (shut up) but I’ve been long swooning for the Balenciaga Ceinture boots. These River Island ones are a dead ringer and they’re durable, patent (so the mud just slides off) and they look like the girly version of the 90s shit kicker. They’re also on sale from €60 to €18!

I’m personally delighted with the return of the choker as my neck has recently developed lines and if I wear one with a high enough neckline, it’s a total fringe for the neck. Boom.

What festivals are y’all going to this summer? Do divulge.

NAB MY STYLE

SPLURGE:

Blondie Tee €140

Veil London patent leather skirt @ Wolf&Badger £320

STEAL:

Vero Moda rock tee €29.73

Topshop lace ruffle tee, £7

French Connection skirt, €27

My exact skirt, River Island, €14

My exact t-shirt, Pretty Little Thing, €20.25

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links which means if you click on a link I get approximately 10c and a bit more (depending on the retailer) if you buy through this blog post. Sure, you’d love to make me rich!

All pictures by Neal Byrne Photography