The Fashion Horn

Noun ([fashuh n] [hawrn]

To have ‘the horn’ for someone is to strongly lust after them. It involves an intense desire or appetite for the other person; an overwhelming yearning, charged with sexual energy and insatiable hunger. It may induce the saying or doing of stupid things around said person and can sometimes illicit irrational, petty or erratic behavior.

The ‘fashion horn’ is a longing for sartorial perfection; it is not enough to have ‘some nice outfits,’ or ‘a grand few auld bags;’ the quest for a complete wardrobe is as elusive as The Holy Grail. It is an addiction; a craving, a longing for, an irrepressible thirst for crisp tailoring, luxe fabrics, flattering palettes and impeccable attention to detail.

For one who suffers with a major fashion horn, sartorial choices can directly affect one’s mood. It can be embarrassing to cover up this obsession in public. Some common characteristics of ‘the one with the fashion horn’ may include dizziness during sale times, possessiveness of items that someone else clearly had first, intense heat during a major shopping bout, intense cold in an irritatingly air-conditioned store, blurriness of vision when viewing sales tags, loss of memory when asked by one’s spouse about purchases and a sincere lack of empathy and remorse when snapping up the last pair of size fives. The desire to keep ahead of the trend may result in substance addiction, starvation, homelessness and over-zealous religious devotion especially to St. Christopher and St. Anthony, the patron saints of losing things.

My fashion horn began at the tender age of 6, when I read a book about a ten-year old witch called Mary Smith (my name) and was both intrigued and horrified. The spark of infinite possibilities was lit and thus began my life-long fascination with characters and costumes. My horn for fashion is a tender mix of seriousness and frivolity, a cross-breed of Anna Dello Russo and Anna Wintour.

Once simply a fashion blog, The Fashion Horn is now a lifestyle site and has expanded to other general horns – book horns, theatre horns and makeup horns. Born from my love of all things beautiful, the essays on this site are what makes me tick.